I need to memorize some of these, so that I can use them next time I'm riding and need to communicate with someone. I will also have to give Chad a copy of this so that he will understand what I'm telling him... Oh, and Mindy will probably need one too!! :0)
All right, this is the last thing that I "borrow" from his FaceBook page... But it's too funny not to share! He posted it on Turkey Day and I read it to our little group. We all laughed out hinney's off!! Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!! Yesterday, while paying a 'dine in' visit to the local pizza/sushi establishment, a woman two tables away was having difficulty containing the attention if her two, nose picking, mucous producers. I witnessed her desperate last stand and inevitable defeat by a 4 and 5 year old. Soon after, the defiant duo were going table to table asking patrons what they would like for lunch then running to the
kitchen behind the counter asking the staff for imaginary plates to serve. Running and squealing like a pair of determined attack pigs.
As I watched scene unfold, and the two made their way toward my table, with eager, possessed eyes, seemingly glassed over with devilish intent, giving the bottomless, soulless, piercing gaze of a Great White gliding through his natural environment for a decisive kill,
I felt the certain, inescapable, dread fate of the "slow" guy in a Zombie movie. Sitting in a corner, I realized I had no way out of this.
With wriggling booger pickers outreached, their eyes fixed onto my cowboy hat hanging on the corner of the chair back to my right. As the course of their flat footed, rapid travel pattern honed in on their newly acquired target , and like heat seeking missiles locked in and went for the kill shot, my involuntary, "nobody touches my cowboy hat", reflex kicked in and like the quick draw of a gunfighter I swooped up from my seat and lifted the hat to a safe height of three and a half feet.
Jumping and yelping at my side like ill mannered dogs I would kick in the belly for such a display, with my hat held high by my right hand, I felt hot, steamy breath on my left forearm and jerked myself away from the youngest boy's attempt to bite me.
Now, I really felt like the "slow" guy in a zombie movie. Not sure if I could evade further assaults from juvenile delinquent chompers, especially if the other one followed his younger brother's example, I felt a desperate, girlish, high pitched scream and plea for help welling up from somewhere near my lower intestines, when finally, thank God, the mother felt it necessary to intervene.
Apologetically, she gathered her "Hell Spawn" and informed them gently and kindly as in a "Sesame Street" lesson as to why they shouldn't touch my hat. I meanwhile behind her, assumed a defensive posture wielding a fork, with a terrified gaze on the youngest snot pocket, assessing him to be the greatest threat was girding myself for my last stand.
As they received their "instructional", the "biter" calmed a bit after inserting his index finger in his right nostril, holding it there for the duration of his "learning moment", then transferring it to his mouth when his mother turned to get her things to leave.
With the family's departure, the entire restaurant sighed with relief, and I examined exposed skin for bite marks that would result in a matter of hours to my becoming a Zombie.
Don't they make collars for unruly children in public areas, that once they leave the side of a parental unit or create vocals above a certain decibel, deliver a debilitating current of electricity? They should!!
A little something my friend Mike posted on his face book....
At the local "Whole Foods" market, known by locals as the "Whole Paychecks" market, you can discover the most amazing flours, grains, pastas, nuts(of the leguminous variety, although the hominine is also abundant), herbs, spices, oils, hone
ys, salts, and yes, Rices!
Most recently my curiosity effected the purchase of some "Forbidden Rice". Appearantly a favorite of Emperors of China's past.
This rice has the size and shape of common Brown rice, but is jet black as the ace of spades. Boils to a perfect wild rice, firm but tender texture in a short 35 minutes. Has a unique to rice, fruity almost grape like flavor. And, once cooked and served, portrays an exact likeness to a half a cup of moist, fresh, steaming in It's scoop sized serving portion on your plate, pile of mouse poop!
Even for myself and my cast iron constitution, it made me take pause before consuming a fork full.
When watching those little, black gems, all uniformly cylindrical and pinched to a fine point at either end, a perfect turd facsimile. Dropping from my fork in pairs and trios, it took my memory back in time to my old Colorado shed row I shared with my horses. Before making camp in my very own stall, I cleaned up numerous five gallon bucket loads of rodent dukie.
Even after making camp, mouse poop remained a theme of daily existence. From the mornings, waking up to my bedroll being sprinkled with poop from the night's activity of rodentia in the shelving above my bunk. To the evenings constant scurrying and scampering with the hub of the "night life" centered around my chuck box, in the shelves above my bunk area.
I watched the springs crop of young grow into maturity that winter, munching on my stores of bread, crackers, cheese, and chocolate bars.
I worried at first! You know, seeing the miniscule nibble marks at the corners of my cheeses and chocolates. Gnawed right throught the wrappers, bite marks resembling those left from a lilliputian cheese grater.
Finding evidence of their approval in my shopping selections in the form of not yet dried turds on the tops of my sardine and chili bean cans.
But, after time my concerns waned with the thought that, "really, there's not much the mice could catch from me biting over their nibble marks in cheese and chocolate or bread? They should be fine with sharing."
And, "this is whole grain bread, those little, black things are some kind of seed kernal..... I think? Well, come on Mike, they have to be, the way they "crunch" is too hard to be a little Fiffel's #2 ?"
After more thought "Awhh, they're tasteless anyway, who cares?"
Funny how the resemblance of rice to mouse poop could create such a "Deja Vu"? That being the thought, "Is that a mouse turd, or something edible?"
Another great Thanksgiving in the books! :0) Didn't take as many pictures this year as last...and we didn't have a 4-Wheeler Rodeo this year either. Why? Because we all remember how poorly it went last year! Who says we can't learn from our mistakes? LOL!!
Parked my self in front of my computer to down load my pictures... AND Blogger said I'd used too much data again... and wanted to charge me. I thought again?? :0( So I used a round about move to get pictures up... And they are kinda huge. Oh, well...it's the thought and effort to skip paying $3.00 a month to express my inner most yammering that matters the most. Right?!? Heheheee!!!
You know your husband loves you and your sister when he offers to lead the smallest cutest horse of the bunch...AND lets you take his picture while he's doing it! I am sooo lucky... aren't I?
April ripping it up, showing off for Chad!
Tari getting in the "Wild Horse" mode! L.O.V.E. this mare!!
Speedy! It was 30 degrees outside... so the blurriness is his breath. He wasn't being wild that morning. So this is the best that I got. Kids...
Aren't his hands funny? Two guns!! He was leading his Uncle Chad to the garage to see his sand/dirt box. He shares so well for an only child!!
I'm sure Chad was telling him something oh, so important... OR making better motor sounds than his mom and aunt...
Wyatt's Mustang! This kid loves this car. And it's pretty fast. Actually crazy fast for a wee person! He did laps around the driveway until we made him park for a while!
His Seven dog liked all the running around!
Testing the pies... Wyatt tested and approved!!
Then he sang Happy Birthday to me, and let me take his picture while he did...
Then he blew out the candle and cleaned it off for me! Such a good kid!!
The day after Thanksgiving we went down to the water and walked off some of our Thanksgiving Dinner!
Check out how clever his bike is rigged for parents and kids.
Vaaarrooom, vaaarrrooom! He makes lots and lots of car noises.
Notice how the handle position has changed? If the parent grabs that, they can turn the front wheel...if Wyatt's parents do that, he turns around and says "hey, I'm driving...not you!" He is too smart for his own good!
And he's done... So we went to Mexican for Margaritas!
I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!
We sure did!!
This for the record is how Mike dresses everyday... He loves the 10 gallon hats, says they are dapper. Says they came from a time when men knew how to dress.
Mike seriously should have been born 100 years ago or even earlier. He is the most unique person I've met that is my age... I've met lots of older than me people whose mold was broken, but never one as young as Mike.
And for the record, Chad thinks he's pretty dang cool too! :0)
Chatting on the phone with Mindy about 10 days ago, I walked into the barn and found the frost free/non-freezing water spigot hissing. Mindy confirmed my fears...it's needing repair/replaced. Wahooo!
I relayed my problem to my husband. Oh, boy he was excited. Not. He also failed to react as quickly as I'd like. So I chatted with the Co-Op employees and took home a new handle/spout and and actual entire replacement unit.
I then decided to start with replacing the handle myself... First issue, the shut off valve was leaking...then the handle/pipe was painted together, and I then failed to get the pipe wrench braced against the wall, so when I tried to turn the handle, I ended up turning the entire unit.
This I knew was not good. So I stopped and insisted ye ol' husband give me a hand on Sunday. Hoping for the best and planning for the worst, we went out Sunday morning hoping for at the most a couple of hours of work.
Well, of course that was not to be... We first tried digging from the inside out. What a mess. For the record, it is impossible to properly dig out a spigot and pipe in a 26 inch square space. So after we spent an hour trying to get to the bottom of the 5 foot bury depth of the pipe from the inside, we went and started digging towards it from the outside in.
Took us about another hour and a half to get to the bury depth from the outside. It was awesome. Not!! Once we were at bury depth we were able to see that there was a wee bit of damage from my attempt of fixing it myself.
I'd snapped the union at the anti back flow valve. Awesome... Now not only is our shut off valve at the barn leaking, we can't easily fix this issue now!!
Oh, did I mention that it was 26 degrees outside while we were working? And that is was trying to snow off and on then entire time?
ALL the animals served as quite the peanut gallery.
I bought a new water tank...300 gallons, hoping to keep Fi out of it...and away from the heater! She wasted my last heater...
The donkeys begged for food. The horses did too...
Then Fiona put her head through the fence, so that Chad could be irritated with her as well as the really cool job his wife had him helping her with!
The dogs played, then whined about the cold...
I'd put them in the house for 15 minutes or so. Then let them back out.
It's become obvious that we've got to get Seven a coat and Kage a new one. It's just too cold for the hairless dogs. Abbi doesn't seem to notice a thing about the weather! (0:
After we marched all around the property with the "key" checking all the turn off's hoping beyond hope that one of them cut the barn water off from the main line, we had to accept defeat.
The only way to turn off the water at the barn and the leaking valve was to turn off the water to the entire property.
Our plan of attach was not to take a break and warm up and then dig everything out more, so that we could measure everything and figure out what we needed from Home Depot.
So we did that...then we talked about how much daylight we had to work with in the evenings...
Then we talked about what our limits were... Then we talked about a plumber... Then we talked about finding someone through references... Then we talked about who to call...
Then I had an epiphany...
I'd call Jake, my farrier!!
After about 5 hours of digging, head scratching, head aching, loud complaining, and going from sweating like crazy to freezing, I reached out for a life line!
And Jake came through big.
I placed a call on Sunday afternoon, dropped Jake's name (he told me to). And before noon on Monday afternoon, I had my water fixed. It wasn't expensive and it took less than 45 minutes. And now we're up and running.
I do have to finish filling in the hole tomorrow...I ran out of time, and energy tonight...and for the life of me can't find the tamper... But I've got part of my back fill done and everything is in good working order.
Who's my go to guy for info this month?
I figure I owe Jake a couple of cocktails for the help...so before this weekend, I'll hit up the liquor store so I can go by Jake's house for a proper thank you! (0:
**Not sure why blogger posted my pictures out of order. Guess it's having one of those days...**
My husband and I don't see eye to eye on everything. Big shock isn't it? (0:
One example of this is when I talk about using horse manure as fertilizer. He likes to point out that there are better fertilizers out there. I like to point out that I have plenty of horse manure on hand at all times and we should use it...and share it with anyone who needs some. He usually just rolls his eyes and tells me how horse manure is not a cure all for things...
Some days when feeling particularly brave, he will "pretend" to be me and have a fake "conversation" with my sister Mindy. In these conversations, we are discussing all the things we do with horse manure while our husbands aren't looking. It is usually pretty funny... I do however wonder just what he thinks we talk about.
So on Monday, this little episode played out...
And I think I won, but you be the judge!
I was putting out a round bale Monday...while talking on the phone with my sister. (We were talking about the pain it is to feed in the mud...and ways to handle the mud...) I ended up dropping Steve (my phone) in the mud/poop/water, of course it splashed ALL over me. I picked up and wiped Steve off as best I could, and continued talking....
When Chad came home from work he gave me a kiss "hello" and asked me what was new, I told him the above story but also added that I was pretty sure I got horse poop in my mouth... Nothing is funnier than watching Chad try and "wash" his mouth out with his beer while gagging out the words, "Are you serious?"
"Of course, I was serious!!" I responded!!
We will see how sassy he is next time I talk about what we should do with the horse manure that I clean from the pasture!!
Girls and boys are hairing up as well as fattening up...getting ready for winter! (0:
A local barrel race put on a race this last week, appropriately called The Ain't Dun Yet Barrel Race.
Mindy and Wyatt came up for it, hauling Tari and The BRC's sister's gelding Roy.
Roy is a funny dude...Mindy ran him in the open. No pictures of him, Wyatt was keeping me too busy to chase down Mindy and Roy for a photo op.
But of course I got some pictures of the Wee Human, Mindy, and Tari. I tried to take pictures of Tari making her debut as a Novice, but the lighting made my camera mad!!
Tari is now at Mindy's for the winter... Mindy will be riding her until spring, then we will try and decide exactly where to put her...
She will most likely end up at The BRC's barn for the summer and then start running times only and novice events in the fall...
That's the loose plan for now.
I tell you what... I love this mare! (0:
But not as much as I love this little boy too!!
He had the crowd smiling and awing during Mindy's barrel run on Tari.
He and I were standing near the third barrel (outside of the arena obviously...)
As she was loping the pattern, he was saying, "Go Momma!" "Go Mindy!" "Ride fast!"
Then he said, "Do good Momma!" "Do good, ride fast!"
It was priceless!! We all loved it!! (0:
And he was so proud of her! Me too of course!! (0:
This however could be my favorite picture of the race...