Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Pretty Sure This Is A Test!

Of my will?
Of my desire? 
Of my dedication?
Of my intestinal fortitude?

I'm not really sure how to categorize it....
This hurdle I'm currently lugging my chubby butt over.

I've never really been a quitter, but I HAVE stopped doing things.  I'm not afraid of hard work OR sacrifice.
I'm a put your head down and push through it kinda person. (Or so I think!)

The things I've stopped doing vary.
Some things were bad for me, some were good, some were fun, some were hard, and some were quite time consuming.  There were things that only benefited me, and things that benefited others.  But all of them were put aside for one reason or another.

The two things that they all have in common is that I've NEVER picked them back up and I've never really loved them.

But this, this is different- of that I'm sure!

I've always had goals of one type or another, but rarely did I assign them a time line or end date.  They just flap out there in the wind waiting.  I'm good with that.  I've reached a few.  Deleted a few.  Revamped some.  Thought what the hell was I thinking about others.  But I have never really been driven to accomplish these things NOW.

Maybe I lack focus.

Maybe I lack drive.

Maybe I lack structure in my thought process.

Maybe I'm lazy.

Maybe I'm actually unmotivated, but don't want to be without a goal.

I could also be crazy.

But this, this HAS to be a test.

A test of what?

A test of my goal to continue riding during Kases' "early" life.
A test of my desire to ride my horses under any and all circumstances.
And to blog too.
(Driving home from work, vacuuming, moving the lawn, and various other mundane things I have written at least 20 blog posts... They just never make it to the page!!)

I'm actually pretty proud of myself.  Mindy and the boys and I got "home" on the 8th of June and I've ridden Fiona 5 times.
But it's not been easy.
  But I have done it!
 I know it's not nearly enough.
And I know that Remi hasn't been ridden in over a year now.  And honestly just saying I'll do it tomorrow seems so much easier.

Easier because my old dog can't go out anymore, he can't be left alone, and I feel bad about leaving him and Abbi "out" of the fun.
Easier because I don't have anyone to really watch Kase while I ride.
Easier because Kase won't always take a nap of any real length of time.
Easier because Kase's naps of length aren't always conducive to me riding while he sleeps.
Easier because it's suddenly gotten HOT.
Easier because I'm lacking a real "arena" or spot to ride at home within reach of the baby monitor and house when Kase does decide to sleep.  
Easier because when Chad is home and can hang with the boy, there are at least 100 other things I could do with that time that benefit more than just me.

Easier however, doesn't leave a smile on my face quite like accomplishing it the hard  way!!

And honestly every tomorrow that I've had since Fiona got home, I've evaluated, studied, planned and tried like crazy to get out there and on Fiona.  Mostly it's been a flop, but not entirely.  I need to figure out how to get on Remi too.  
But she really isn't complaining.

Oh, man.  Was that an excuse I just through out there?

Nope, she really needs ridden, and she's really not complaining!  Feed her.  Scratch and love on her, and she is as happy as she can be!  (0:

This little person turns 10 months tomorrow!